Blinded No More

Just thinking

“I want to be the color in the world!”
“whose color do you want to be?”
I can’t remember what I said, but I want to be somebody’s.
I want to light up someone’s world and make it extraordinary.

If I’m never the one to help you then so be it.

If I’m never the one to change your mind then I only hope you find the time,

to realize that there’s no reason to want to die,

your life has only just begun,

and there’s so much goodness to live for,

there’s so many people that love you

and you don’t even realize,

how terrible this world would be without you being here,

you’re not the only person out there

and you’re not broken, darling one.

I wish you could see you in a  better light,

and know that there’s so much goodness left to experience in this life,

and you haven’t experienced much yet, because yes, you are wonderfully young.

Live life to the fullest and when you’re feeling bad, go out with friends and forget it,

forget that you’re feeling sad,

I would hold you until your last tear soaked my shirt,

and I’d hold all your pain if it kept you from feeling hurt,

if you had a little sister, and she felt like you do now,

what would you tell her? Why can’t you think that about yourself?

chimera

you would die never knowing if it meant my bliss,

you’d never take from me what I did not want to give,

some people say that you don’t exist.

A true gentleman. Girls are still searching for you and here I am beside you…

we’ll see what’s true and what is not when the time comes

but for now, I’ll guide you.

horrendously intriguing

I wrote you a letter crying out all my pains,

I wrote in it that I loved you more than the night loves the day

and that every word spoken to me was a cherished gift,

I explained that I had problems that I don’t want you to help me with,

and in the end I sent it,

hoping maybe you would know what to do and make of it.

each word that leaps from my lips was a word shaped by the vocal chords of my experience,

I want nothing more and nothing less than to give you some form of happiness.

I realize now that I can no longer hope to bestow upon you my same life lessons

but merely a ghost like impression of them, the kind you get when you press your hand into a foam mattress…

I understand that what you get is the product of your own mind and that you too shall speak with your own vocal chords and not with mine.

This I will take with me for the rest of my life, I will not be able to make a person believe exactly what I believe, that’s not in my power, but I can help them come to their own conclusions. I will do this for you. I want to help you as I struggle to help myself.

I wish you the happiness and enlightenment that is learning. I wish you frustration and fruition.

Without the low points, there would never be high points, but perhaps the low points are just our take on a situation and rather than considering them entirely low, we should consider them as something that was not all good but was not all bad either. Good points in a day are what you make them. Finding a penny can be made into a great point in a day, though small, it’s like a small prize. A token of the day, something small and good to remind you that today isn’t all bad and that even in the midst of the unhappiness that you face, there will always be good. We can see a ticket as the anchor to a bad day and we can let it keep us in the depths or we can forget about it and remember it later and let ourselves sail free throughout the day and think of better things. The choice is up to you.

Ms. Stake

You asked me to stay and I begged to leave You were holding my arm firmly but As I pulled away your grip loosened just enough so I could run. I burst into a sprint and ran into the woods where my only light was from the moon. You found me here, this is where we met and here I am running back to it. Losing my way in between the many trees, when will I choose to leave?

Each fat drop that grows in the corner of your eyes till you can’t hold it in any longer suddenly rolls down your cheek heavily, weighted with all your daily miseries. Each droplet releasing the pent up frustration and hatred that consumes you at this moment in time, you stop suddenly. The negative thoughts seize for one second and in that time a peace starts to fill your body and those thoughts that made you curl up on the floor are finally at bay and it’s time to function again, feeling relieved for the time being but knowing with certainty that another night you’ll fall prey to the shadows dancing around in your mind once again.

poison apple

I held your hand and drew you close

giving you a kiss,

it meant so much, your heart swelled and pounded hard inside your chest,

what you didn’t know would never hurt you,

or could it, would it? After you were so certain I wouldn’t desert you?

How can you be sure that I won’t bludgeon you to death,

with worries told and sold

for the sake of stealing your one last breath?

Could I know assuredly that you would never leave

after this tsunami of worries swept every ounce of patience to the sea?

We’re in this war together and I’ll fight by your side

so long as you can shield these poisonous thoughts from your mind.